Looks like I'm the bastard child at a bar mitzvah.
Actually, I've been told by several of my Jewish pals that there will never be a prayer said for me at the Wailing Wall , because of my desecrations of the bagel.
Firstly, I am true to only partaking of boiled bagels. The others are truly just mediocre bread.
Secondly, I am fairly purist in flavors: plain, sesame, egg or if I have a wild hair, multigrain. None of the blueberry, cinnamon raisin and so on for this shiksa.
Now this is where my deviant perversions emerge
Toasted bagel with mayo, mustard, thinly chipped hamm off the bone and cheese du jour.
Toasted Bagel CLub style
Toasted Bagels with assortment of italian deli meats and cheeses, roasted red peppers
Toasted Bagels with a good peanut butter, some homemade grape jelly and bacon slices.
Toasted Bagel with a big juicy grilled burger, swiss cheese, green onions, lettuce, tomato , Duke's mayo and a stone ground mustard.
My worst perversion of all: Creamed Dried Beef on a toasted bagel.
But let me assure you I make my kugels, strudels, latkes, kasha vareshnikes and matzoh balls in a very correct and authentic manner.
(I can see Hoffman and WJ shaking their heads in abject horror now)