Signs that you are too crocked to cook..

Double Chili Cheeseburger
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2006/06/01 16:03:36 (permalink)

Signs that you are too crocked to cook..

9. After applying the turkey's booties you can't resist adding a little bowtie to match.

8. Gefilte fish actually starts to look appetizing.

7. You check the boiling point of water for temperature with your hand. For the third time.

6. You've lost track of whether you put the right amount of liqour in your rum cakes, and frankly, you don't care.

5. You exhale near a stove burner and generate a two-foot-long blue flame and the house burns down.

4. You call your friend in amazement to tell him that bread can become toast, but it can never go back.

3. Instead of actually cooking, you stand in teh kitchen for four hours laughing at the dillweed.

2. The blender appears to be spinning, but the stuff inside isn't getting any smaller.

and the #1 reason.......

The whisk is tangled in teh dog's hair, your meatloaf just winked at you and you've lost the ability to discern the difference between ketchup and blood.

Can you identify?

10 Replies Related Threads

    Double Chili Cheeseburger
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/01 19:15:23 (permalink)
    Reminds me of a visit to my relatives in NYC many years ago. We sat around drinking like the Irish we are and finally someone noticed that the sun was going down. Chinese delivery time!!!
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/01 20:28:13 (permalink)
    Was cooking "twice cooked" pork for my parents (years ago). Had just cooked & sliced (1st cook) TWO huge pork tenderloins and had put into fridge to cool and hold while I prepped veggies/spices/etc; awaiting second cook... Jack Daniel was visiting me at the time. He had been there quite a while. In the meantime, my father appeared in the kitchen; needing refuge. Mr. Don Q. was on his shoulders; I didn't ask why. Soon, I was finished prepping. My parents depended upon moi to at times clean their 'fridge of OLD leftovers. Suddenly, Don Q. suggested to my father to tell Jack D. to tell me that THIS was the time to do so. But of course! The carnage began. This, that, this, that; said goodbye as Jack helped me dispose of things down the garbage disposal. Kool I said; 'fridge now CLEAN.

    We ended up having pizza delivery that night. Both Don & Jack stayed over with my father & I that night; only to remind us of their presence the next morning. Ahhh. Memories.
    Double Chili Cheeseburger
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/02 07:36:25 (permalink)
    I remember the time I was so stewed that I tried to make a tossed salad with a head of cabbage (which I thought was a head of lettuce).
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/02 09:00:39 (permalink)


    Just occurred this week.

    I been hand totin' water from our pond to the veggie/flower gardens 4 gallons at a time (approx. 40 lbs)- got this pipe I run through them and carry on my shoulders....keeps my balance tolerable..... not a short jaunt to aforementioned gardens by any stretch, I start with the ones farthest away and work my way up (BTW I weigh 112 soaking wet). I was hittin ice-cold Bacardi from the freezer to numb the pain and all the discomfort (bad idea I know, but water wasn't doin nuthin but make me wanna lay down on the hammock with the bottle).I was wore SLAM FREAKING out by the end of the day, bout 8:00am-6:oopm.

    Yes, the well is BARELY producing enough H2O for one load of clothes and one God-forbid DishWashing experience, and Iffen you know how to preserve you can bathe rather quickly although a chilly experience (save the hot water for a load of white clothes).

    Man came home hungry (Ruh-Row, my body was a temple of pain). I fried some Brats (drained the grease), added Rotel tomatoes, a few fresh peppers from the garden , and other top secret ingredients .....witha substantial side bowl of white rice for the wimpy.

    I tore into mine like a starving mammal, cleared the plate and went back for more......he fed his to the dogs. (yes, they lived)

    I felt fine the next day, I guess I got a stomach of iron.

    I guess when I am crocked I've hadda nough of fried chicken, fried country steak.....blah blah blah (yawn). Time to get don't always work though. If I am throwing down and others are running awayfrom their plates, I would admit I could possibly be crocked, hell, tasted good to me and the dogs. RED FLAG!


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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/02 13:17:40 (permalink)
    when you're cooking a hot dog over a campfire and proceed to fall into said fire.

    true story. no burns, thankfully.

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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/02 13:47:51 (permalink)
    Had too much Jack & Diet Coke one night and put season salt instead of chili powder when making chili. I wondered why it wasn't turning a shade of red..........the rest of the story needs to be on the other thread about stupid things we do.
    Double Cheeseburger
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/03 04:06:16 (permalink)
    When you wake up the next morning with only one boot on and a slice of pizza sticking out of the toaster. (dont ask)
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/07 20:15:43 (permalink)

    (Insert photo of purple runza)
    Filet Mignon
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/07 22:52:44 (permalink)
    I remember (partially) camping one night many moons ago on the San Gabriel river west of Georgetown with some close buds.

    I had brought along a couple pounds of fresh sausage links from Meyer's in Elgin, plus a couple of pints of Jack (one for me and an extra in case someone else needed some).

    Everyone had brought things, and we proceeded to do all kinds of manly stuff; fish, drink, lie, laugh, and cook over the big fire we built.

    At some point during the night, through no fault of my own, I mistakenly tapped into the second pint. Although I still think this may be a total fabrication (most likely propagated by liberal enemies), here is what they said I did.

    We had eaten and were continuing our fun, but I decided to get up and cook another sausage link over the fire. We had cooked them on a stick, like a hot dog, and I grabbed one out of the cooler and stuck in on.

    While I was cooking the link, I related a completely hilarious story to my "audience". They were rolling in laughter, and so I surmised that it was my brilliant performance that was so entertaining. As it turned out, as I was talking, I was moving the sausage link completely away from the fire. After the normal "cooking time", I sat back down and ate the sausage, still completely raw, still talking and marveling at my story-telling abilities.

    They said they wanted to stop me from eating the raw sausage, but they knew I was having so much fun...
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    RE: Signs that you are too crocked to cook.. 2006/06/08 03:00:50 (permalink)
    Two funny and bizarre stories about guys I worked of my sous chefs was so drunk one night he went home and ate RAW chicken wings! Woah! He was seriously sick for several days!

    A waiter of mine was so crocked that he went home, had a snack and went to bed. Next morning he found on his coffee table an empty box of Liv-A-Snaps and an empty container of Alouiette cheese dip. Interesting combo......doggie snacks and cheese dip!
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